Aladdin: The Abridged Movie
by The Geek Princess
Summary: So, what if the characters from various Abridged Serieses were forced to act out the movie Aladdin? Well, now that Lord Koenma wants to hear a bedtime story, it looks like we're gonna find out!
1. You Won't Like Koenma When He's Cranky

**All right! My debut story! I have to give much thanks to my buddy Zack, who helped me come up with this story during lunch one day, pushed me to actually write it, and helped me edit as to bring the maximum amount of funny. As for the rest of you out there in Internet-land, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it!**

**Oh. Final note: I usually don't see the point of disclaimers, but I guess in this case it's in order: The various Abridged characters' various mental disorders belong to their creators: LittleKuriboh, Lanipator, Vegeta3986, etc.**

* * *

Two female figures stepped into the chambers of the Prince of Spirit World.

"You wanted to see us, Koenma sir?" the first, a blue-haired lass in a pink kimono asked of the tyrannical tyke.

"Yeah, dude. I can't get to sleep. I totally need a bedtime story..." Koenma responded.

The other girl, an energetic young miko with wild red hair, bounced up and down. "Ooooh! I know the perfect story to tell Koenmanamana!"

"This had like, better not involve any squirrels, dude..." Koenma muttered impatiently.

"Oh, don't worry!" the redhead smiled energetically. She turned to her more straight-laced coworker. "Botan, are monkeys squirrels?"

Botan sighed in exasperation. "No, Hinageshi, monkeys aren't squirrels..."

"What about parrots?" Hinageshi asked.

Koenma forcefully reentered the conversation. "Wouldja just tell the story? I'm about to get reeeeeally cranky, man. And you won't like me when I'm cranky."

"I don't think Lord Enma should've taken him to see the Incredible Hulk," Botan whispered to Hinageshi. The latter nodded, though it was clear from the vapid expression on her face, she didn't know what she was nodding about. Botan's oar materialized out of thin air, and she climbed aboard, falling into her usual comfortable position. "Now, once upon a time..."

"Arabian Niiiiiiiiights!" Hinageshi sang rather loudly.

"Just get on with the story, dude!!" Koenma shouted.

"Okay," Hinageshi began. "So once, there was like, this guy, and he was like, evil and stuff, and he was all, 'Grrr, I wanna get this lamp!' And..."

Botan intervened. "Here, Hinageshi." She waved her hands about, trying to create the mood for Koenma. "Our story begins on a dark night. Where a dark man waits, with a dark purpose."

**-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-**

A dour-looking Namekian sat on his horse, glancing at his wrist before he remembered that watches hadn't been invented yet. On one of his massive shoulder pads, a human skull wearing a jester's cap was perched.

A sad piano tune played as a chubby, mustachioed man clad in pink walked slowly to them.

"Chin Po, you're late," the Namekian grunted.

"A thousand pardons, sir," Chin Po said, dipping into a bow.

"You'd better have it, or I'm gonna be really pissed," Piccolo said. "And I'm pissed enough as it is. I mean, look at me. I'm green!"

"Of couse." Chin Po pulled out a small gold trinket from his coat sleeve. "I had to wander around a bit, but I eventually found it."

The green man extended his hand. "Well? Give it to me."

Chin Po held it just out of his reach. "Not just yet, Piccolo."

"What?!" Piccolo cried.

"You promised me treasure," Chin Po told him.

Piccolo glanced at the skull. "Douchebag?"

The skull levitated off of his shoulder and screeched out "DOUUUUUUUUUCHE!"

"Ouch!" Chin-Po cried as Douchebag grabbed the trinket out of his hand, scraping them with its teeth.

Piccolo smirked as Douchebag returned the golden half-treasure to his hand. "Don't worry, my pudgy friend. You'll get what's coming to you."

"What's coming to you," Douchebag repeated. "Douche!"

Piccolo pulled another, identical gold piece from his cloak, and slowly placed the two together to form a scarab beetle. The beetle immediately sprang to life, and flew off into the night.

"Hya!" Piccolo cried, kicking his horse in the sides. It galloped on as fast as it could go, but still barely was able to keep up with the fleeing treasure.

The scarab stopped near a seemingly random sand dune, splitting back into two and falling into the sand, still glowing, giving the dune the appearance of having eyes. Slowly, a giant tiger's head rose from the dune, with the two scarab pieces serving as its "eyes."

"At last! After a filler arc of searching! The Cave of Wonders!"

"By Lanipator!" Chin Po gasped.

Piccolo jumped and glanced toward the tubby mustachioed man. "How did you..." He glanced from Chin Po, to behind him, back to Chin Po. "Ah, screw it. Go."

Douchebag turned to Piccolo as Chin Po approached the tiger head. "Where did you find this douchebag?"

The tiger opened its mouth, and out came a voice that sounded distinctly similar to Barney's, and Chin Po's. "Who has disturbed my slumber?"

"Ah, hello! I am Chin-Po, a humble wanderer!" Chin Po greeted with a bow. "You have a very pleasant voice, Mr. Cave of Wonders."

"Why thank you!" the Cave of Wonders responded. "You have a wonderful voice as well. Now I must warn you: if you touch any of the treasure, you shall be destroyed because my voice gives me super lava powers."

"Well okay..." Chin Po stepped into the cave, and walked into it. His footsteps suddenly stopped. "Oops. Dropped my contect lens. Now where did it go...? Oh, here it is! Whoops!"

"I warned you!" the cave said. "Now, Super Lava Powers!"

"Ow, my flesh!" Chin Po cried before the cave closed and sank back into the ground. The melancholy piano music struck up again.

**-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-**

"Whoa!" Koenma said, interrupting the story. "Hold on, man! I've seen some pretty trippy stuff before, but talking caves with lava powers? Dude!"

Hinageshi was still humming the Wanderer's theme.

Botan hit her over the head. "Quiet, Hinageshi!"

"Awww!" Hinageshi frowned. "He wasn't done wandering yet!"

Botan ignored her. "Now, there was only one person who could truly enter the Cave of Wonders. A diamond in the rough."

**-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-**

Yusuke Urameshi was very concerned by his wardrobe, specifically the fact that he was only wearing an open vest and a pair of pants.

"Dammit, Botan, not another one of your sick fantasies!" he shouted.

Botan's voice came from the sky in response, "_Shut up, Yusuke, it's part of your character_."

* * *

**Ahem...Will Piccolo find the Diamond in the Rough? Will Yusuke be given a less-revealing outfit? Will Koenma ever get to sleep? Find out in the next installment of Aladdin Abridged, same geek time, same geek channel!**

**One last note to minimize confusion: The part of Iago will be played by Umlaut from the arcade FPS CarnEvil, who has evidently been possessed by Douchebag from Garlic Jr. Abridged.**

* * *


	2. Yusuke's Daring, Death Defying Dealings

**OHMYGODIUPDATED! Seriously, guys, sorry for taking like, two months. I was gonna post this chapter like, six weeks ago, but then my computer deleted it. I know, excuss, excuses...But I'm back now, aren't I?**

**Anyhoo, everything still applies to the characters. I got inspiration from the various Abridged creators, as well as other Internet parodists. I can say that the Dumbass is mine. This is my interpretation of Jacob, the protagonist of CarnEvil. Honestly, man, when you're told not to do something, and you do it twice, you're not very smart.**

**And now, without further ado...More of Aladdin Abridged!**

* * *

Yusuke was about to continue the argument with the sky when he heard someone behind him. Someone _ver_-ry familiar...

"Ah-HA! I have you now, Urameshi!"

Yusuke turned around to see a tall, redheaded young man dressed in much the same manner as he, leading a pack of similarly-dressed men. Except they had turbans and shoes. "Aw, God. Not Kuwabara!"

"Heh heh heh...That's right, Urameshi, it's me! And now, I have you right where I want you!" Kuwabara grinned.

"Awww, no! We are not goin' there!" Yusuke insisted.

Kuwabara's cocky grin slipped off his face. "Grr...Dammit, I already told you, I'm not gay! Now you're gonna pay for that loaf of bread you stole!"

"Loaf of bread? I didn't..." Yusuke looked down at his left hand, and saw that he was clutching a loaf of bread. "WHAT?!"

Kuwabara drew a sword from a scabbard on his hip, and pointed to Yusuke. "Get him!"

"Oh, crap!" Yusuke glanced around frantically. No way out except for jumping off the roof.

"DAMN YOU BOTAAAAAAAAAAN!" he yelled as he dropped several stories to the busy streets below.

**-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-**

"...And then Yusuke died. The end!" Hinageshi said happily.

"...That was the story?" Koenma was clearly displeased.

"Hinageshi!" Botan cried. "Now...Yusuke fell, but he wasn't harmed, because..."

**-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-**

...he had taken several awnings and clotheslines down with him. The resulting mass of fabric served as an effective cushion for him.

"Aha!" he cried as he caught the loaf of bread.

But alas, the day had not yet been won. Kuwabara and his men had managed to follow him down in a timely manner, somehow without jumping off the roof.

"All right. Kirishima, Sawamura, go that way. Bakura, come with me. We'll find him!"

Hold on...Something about that didn't sound right. He had met (and repeatedly kicked the asses of) Kirishima and Sawamura, but he wasn't familiar with Bakura.

But that wasn't important right now. He had to get outta there! He looked around for something to aid him, but all he saw was a pretty blue dress on top of the clothes pile he had landed on. "Well, I do work for Spirit World. It's not like I have any dignity..."

Kuwabara and Bakura, an effiminate young man with beautiful white hair, ran past before catching Yusuke. He had donned the blue dress, as well as a white kerchief covering his head, and was using the loaf of bread for...padding. Mind you, he also hadn't bothered to remove his pants or, presumably, his jacket.

"Oh, excuse me, miss..." Kuwabara somehow was able to tip his turban. "We're currently in pursuit of a bread thief. Have you seen him anywhere around? He's about two heads shorter than me, brown hair, brown eyes, kinda scrawny..."

"Scrawny?!" Yusuke cried. He cleared his throat, and spoke a few octaves higher. "Uhm...No, I'm sorry, I haven't seen any handsome gentlemen thieves around."

"Kuwabara, I think that this 'woman' is Yusuke in disguise," Bakura suggested.

"Shut the hell up, you stupid limey!" Kuwabara commanded. He turned back to Yusuke. "You'll have to excuse him, miss, he's British."

"Oh, it's quite all right!" Yusuke waved his hands nervously.

Kuwabara tipped his turban again. "Good day, madam!" He and Bakura turned to walk away before Kuwabara suddenly turned back around. "Hey, wait a minute..."

Yusuke tensed up.

"Aren't you in my mother's bridge club?" Kuwabara finished.

"Uhm..." Yusuke's falsetto faltered a bit before he spat out, "No, you must have me confused with someone else!" With this, he shook his head vigorously, causing the kerchief to fall off.

"URAMESHI!" Kuwabara shouted before grabbing him by the collar. "Thought you could get away by dressin' in drag, huh? Well, it looks like I'm too smart for ya!"

Yusuke glanced upward. "Kuwabara, there's something falling."

"Don't think I'm gonna fall for that one, punk! I—"

He was cut off by the falling something, specifically a boy about seventeen in age dressed in what would appear to be Marty McFly cosplay to the untrained eye, landing directly on top of him.

"Dumbass?!" Yusuke cried, addressing the boy. "I thought I told you to go play in traffic!"

"I tried," the Dumbass admitted, "but there was no traffic to play in. So I wanted to play with some birdies. But they flew up really high. I tried to follow them, but I can't fly. I just fell..."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's just get the hell out!" Yusuke grabbed him by the back of his jacket and yanked him off.

"This is all your fault, Bakura..." Kuwabara muttered.

**-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-**

Our boys were pursued by Kuwabara and his men, but eventually lost them in an alley, where they decided to crash until the heat was off.

"Whew!" Yusuke removed the dress, and let the bread fall into his lap. "Well, I don't know where this came from, but I am kinda hungry..."

"Can I have some?" the Dumbass asked.

"No," Yusuke said tersely. He was about to take a big bite of the bread, when suddenly...

"Hello, mister!"

Yusuke cried out in shock, nearly dropping his meal. Standing in front of him was a cute little blond girl holding a teddy bear, and another little girl with blue hair, dressed in her Sunday best.

The blond, who had spiken, smiled up at him. "My name's Rebeccer, and these are my friends, Sayaka and Mr. Bear!" She looked down, putting on her best puppy dog eyes. "And we're all really hungry, mister. Will you please share that bread with us?"

"Awww!" Yusuke smiled, as if he had been won over, but returned to glaring instantly. "Forget it. Go steal your own."

Sayaka spoke up, a prominent lisp in her voice. "Now you listen here, sucka. I will break you if you don't give us some of that damn bread!"

"Oh, I'm soooo scared!" Yusuke mocked. "What're you gonna do?"

"Mister, you're making Mr. Bear really angry..." Rebecca warned him.

"Ohhhh, I'm being threatened by two eight-year-old girls and their teddy bear. I'm petrified!" Yusuke continued in his same mocking tone. He bacame more blunt as he said, "Listen, girls. I've had a really bad day. I just wanna relax and eat something. So if you'll kindly go find your mommies or whoever, maybe they'll—"

He was cut off by a very evil-sounding voice coming from Rebecca's teddy bear. "_**GIVE US THE BREAD, MORTAL, OR MY FOUR HORSEMEN SHALL TAKE REVENGE AND PLAGUE YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY!**_"

And finally, Yusuke was intimidated to extend the bread to them with a shaking hand. "H-Here you go, girls. Please don't hurt me, Mr. Bear..." He ran off in a panicked frenzy.

The Dumbass leaned closer to Mr. Bear. "You have horsies?"

"_**FOOLISH HUMAN! DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT I AM THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS?!**_"

The Dumbass backed away. "You're scary..." He ran after his "friend." "YUSUKE!!"

**-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-**

Yusuke had joined up with a large throng of people who were watching some kind of procession. This was mostly to try and hide himself from those little girls and their Satanic bear. He could care less about the two snickering dweebs with weird hair that everyone seemed so focused on.

Still, out of curiosity, he asked, "Who are those two?"

"Their names are Weevil Underwood and Rex Raptor," the man beside him responded. "They're famed players of children's card games, and they're going to the palace to seek Princess Keiko's hand in marriage." Having served his purpose of exposition, he faded into the background, never to be heard from again.

"Hold on, Keiko's a princess now?" Yusuke questioned before he Dumbass found him. And by "found him," I mean "barrelled into him."

"Hi, Yusuke!" he smiled.

"Dammit, what do I have to do to get rid of you?!" Yusuke cried.

Rebecca and Sayako, having apparently followed the Dumbass, skipped past, each holding one of Mr. Bear's front paws. They stepped on Yusuke and the Dumbass, and squeezed through the still-standing members of the crowd, continuing out into the streets and almost getting run over by Weevil and Rex's horses.

"Hey, Weevil, check it out. Chicks," Rex said in a lethargic monotone.

Weevil gave off a nasally laugh. "Yeah, chicks, heh-heh. But like...aren't they kinda flat?"

Yusuke stood up and pushed himself to the front of the crowd, where he saw Rebecca introduce herself as "Rebeccer," all deceptively sweet and innocent.

Payback was nigh.

He stepped out into the street. "Hey. These girls givin' you any trouble?"

"Shut up, dillhole!" Rex interrupted him.

"Yeah. We don't need any help from some dude who's never gonna get any chicks," Weevil said.

"He probably doesn't even like chicks," Rex commented as they urged their horses into a walk once more.

"Yeah. He's probably like...gay or something." Weevil laughed again, joined by his friend.

"Y...Y...Take that back!!" Yusuke ran after them, but they were already well within the palace gates by this point, and he found the doors slammed in his face.

**-wh000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000sh!-**

That night, he found himself back in his literal hole-in-the-wall apartment he shared with the Dumbass.

"Dammit. This has got to be the worst day of my life. I wake up in one of Botan's fantasies, with a retarded roommate, get chased down by Kuwabara, have my food stolen by an eight-year-old, and get humiliated by two idiots." He looked out the window, and caught sight of the palace. "Of course...maybe one day things'll get better. Maybe one day, I'll be rich, and I'll never have to suffer any indignity again."

And as always, Botan's voice came from the heavens, shattering his dreams. "You work for Spirit World, Yusuke. You do realize that that makes you our bitch, right?"

* * *

**Will Yusuke stop being a bitch and start being rich? How does the Dumbass manage to function without a brain? Is Kuwabara gay or not? Why does the Geek Princess think she's the narrator for Batman? Fnd out in the next chapter of Aladdin: The Abridged Movie!**

**...Oh yeah. One more thing. I really like reviews. So if you enjoyed this story, or if you think you have some jokes I can use, or even if you think I'm DOING IT WRONG, drop me a line plzkthx!**


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